The Snack Keeper

This page is about the deceased Snack-Keeper who used to visit the House of Snax every week and now lives on as some kind of ghost or something. For more up-to-date information about the Snack-Keeper who currently resides in the House of Snax and is a perfect genetic clone of The Snack-Keeper, see Snack-Keeper III.

Snack-Keeper
Aliases	Sovereign Spirit of the World of Snacks The Snackgiver (formerly) Snack-Keeper Sr. OGSK (don't call me that)
Occupation	Snack-Keeper House of Snax landlord Registered Snack Layer Professional Skateboarder Camera Operator
Biographical information
Date of birth	Sometime prior to 1967
Place of birth	A planet in the Snack Dimension
Date of death	July 1, 2022 (Episode #52)
Place of death	The House of Snax
Physical description
Species	Demon
Gender	Nonbinary
Eye color	Unknown (possibly eyeless; they don't have eyebrows) Glowing bright orange (when Snackgiver) Possibly black olives (like Snack-Keeper III's)
Appearances
Debut	Episode #1

The Snack-Keeper (A.K.A. Snack-Keeper Sr) was a demon who originated from the hellish Snack Dimension. They usually appeared on Diet Coke & Lilith's House of Snax after possessing Diet Coke's body in order to say the podcast outro. The Snack-Keeper spoke in a manner similar to Tales from the Crypt's Cryptkeeper. They were succeeded by their offspring, the late Snack-Keeper Jr a perfect genetic clone who kept all of their memories but had more agreeable beliefs. After Snack-Keeper Jr died, Snack-Keeper III was born. They also have the memories but not the opinions of The Snack-Keeper, and they currently reside in the House of Snax basement.

Because Snack-Keeper died in Diet Coke's body, they now live deep in her psyche not unlike the Green Goblin in parts 2 and 3 of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy. Diet Coke is able to call upon Snack-Keeper for help by lighting five candles in a pentagram formation and sitting in front of the House of Snax basement mirror, but every time she does, their bony yet Slim-Jim-esque fingers slither through her mind and tighten their grip on her subconscious. She has agreed to this arrangement. The Snack-Keeper seemingly now has the ability to briefly possess Diet Coke when they are mentioned in conversation, although this has only happened once. They also visited Snack-Keeper Jr as a ghost before the arrival of the ghosts of Sex Goo Orgy Day past, future, and present.

Anatomy

Like all living residents of the Snack Dimension, the Snack-Keeper was a skeleton person with bone hands and a skull face. While they did not have skin, they had something analogous to it, made of fondant, which they replenished every day before going to bed by going to their big bubbling cauldron and drizzling fresh fondant onto all of the places where their "skin" had cracked or broken off. They also had an engine instead of a stomach, which sometimes required flammable things such as motor oil. However, their skin and stomach was likely not a part of their natural anatomy, as everyone knows that Snack-Keepers are all bone.

The Snack-Keeper's bones are made of Slim Jims, which allowed them to squeeze through small surfaces. These bones bend but did not snap like normal Slim Jims. Nevertheless, they could still be broken with enough pressure. They hated walking around in Diet Coke's body because of her normal bones. The Snack-Keeper could also regenerate like a lizard, preventing issues that could be caused by people eating their Slim Jim bones.

The bodies of Snack-Keepers produce butter toffee peanuts instead of sweat. These nuts are checked by doctors during physicals because the composition of the butter toffee coating can reveal details about the patient's overall health. According to Snack-Keeper, no Snack-Keeper has testicles.

Since Snack-Keeper III is a perfect genetic clone of the Snack-Keeper, Snack-Keeper likely had the same physical attributes as Snack-Keeper III, such as their black olive eyes. However, there seem to be a few inconsistencies.

History

Introduction

The Snack-Keeper appeared in every House of Snax episode up to Episode #52 except for Episode #35, when the Fun Sucker subbed for them. The Snack-Keeper was first named in Episode #3. They visited the House once a week per their contract in order to deliver the outro of the podcast, which is typically a variant of, "Goodbye, ghosts and ghoulies. The House of Snax is closed for another week. We'll snack you later," followed by cackling laughter. Their contract does not include answering questions from Diet Coke or Lilith, and they were often opposed to answering personal questions, but Lilith has engaged in short conversations with the Snack-Keeper on multiple occasions. In most episodes, they appeared in the House of Snax by possessing Diet Coke's (or Lilith's; see "Possession of Lilith") body, with the exception of episodes #9, #10, and #11.

In Episode #9, the Snack-Keeper physically appeared in Lilith's closet, which confused them about their own lore, as a demon who only usually only appears through Diet Coke. (Until this episode, Diet Coke was completely unaware of the Snack-Keeper's existence.) Following several problematic beliefs that the Snack-Keeper shared in this episode (see "Beliefs"), they were no longer allowed in Lilith's closet and instead appeared on Episode #10 of the podcast via a Zoom call from a La Quinta hotel. In Episode #11, they appeared physically in the House of Snax once again, but instead of possessing Diet Coke near the end of the episode, they just sat quietly for the entirety of the episode until it was time for the outro. Although they own a USB microphone and could record the outro remotely, they made an agreement with Lilith to record using Diet Coke and Lilith's equipment in the House of Snax. All following Snack-Keeper appearances to date have been via a possession.

The Snackgiver

During Episode #14, the Snack-Keeper tasted Herr's Deep Dish Pizza Cheese Curls. The flavor of this snack caused them to have a change of heart, changing their name to the Snackgiver. Following this transformation, their eyes glowed bright orange. The Snackgiver's way of speaking was much softer and kinder than that of the Snack-Keeper; they ended Episode #14 with, "Well, ghosts and ghoulies, we love you very much, and we hope you have a fantastic week, but I'm afraid the House of Snax must close for now, but rest assured, we will snack you later." The Snackgiver was short-lived, however. In Episode #15, Diet Coke and Lilith reviewed a homemade snack instead of processed food, betraying the Law of Snack. This caused the Snackgiver to become very angry, becoming the Snack-Keeper once again.

In Episode #27, the Snack-Keeper said, "I'm not about to turn good again because I know what these are," making a minor reference to their time as the Snackgiver. They also referenced the Snackgiver in Episode #34, saying "I hate the Snackgiver will all of my being. Dark period in my history." They later called the Snackgiver a "vile demon" in their eyes who they hope to never see again.

Possession of Lilith

During Episode #27, Lilith sucked the Snack-Keeper out of Diet Coke's mouth and allowed them to possess her instead in order to test whether the Snack-Keeper would notice the egg taste in Dr. Pepper when possessing someone else. Diet Coke said that it was the first time she saw the Snack-Keeper somewhere other than her mirror. When trying to talk to Lilith through the Snack-Keeper, they responded, "Lili cannot hear you." After trying the drink in Lilith's body, they said, "No egg taste, bitch" and then did the podcast outro. Lilith had no recollection of this incident. After the Snack-Keeper was transferred from Diet Coke to Lilith, they continued possessing Lilith at the end of every episode instead of Diet Coke. This ended after Episode #29, when Lilith asked Diet Coke to suck the Snack-Keeper back into her.

Twitter Takeover

On May 11, 2022, Diet Coke and Lilith surrendered the House of Snax Twitter account to the Snack-Keeper for 24 hours as long as they would promote the House of Snax Patreon. During this takeover, they revealed some details about the Snack Dimension and Snack-Keeper culture. They were not allowed to tweet about their political opinions or their crypto investment portfolio. The Snack-Keeper ended most of their tweets with the hashtag #snackkeeper24hrtakeover.

Death

In Episode #34, the Snack-Keeper prophesied their death, stating, "I'll probably die soon so that we can have a clean slate. I feel a sickness coming in my future." In Episode #50, they revealed that there was big news coming and that they would "transcend to heights never seen before," likely referring to their plan to perform a Boneless at the 2022 Chex Games in the Snack-Dimension

The Snack-Keeper's feat did not happen as planned, revealed in Episode #51 by the Skate Tape. During a physical required to get insured for the Chex Games, the Snack-Keeper was diagnosed with "Dogshit Bone Disease." In Episode #52 ("THE END OF THE SNACK-KEEPER, ONE MORE FINAL: I need bones."), the Snack-Keeper succumbed to the disease, dying inside Diet Coke's body. Before their passing, they vomited an egg which contained a perfect genetic clone (although there is only a 10% chance that it will be born with a body that is fit to survive in the Snack-Dimension, as this trait is decided by cosmic forces rather than genetics). Lilith put the egg in the basement of the House of Snax, where it sat for several episodes, pulsating and wet. It eventually hatched into Snack-Keeper Jr.

Snack-Keeper's final words were, "Goodbye, ghosts and ghoulies, for the last time. They'll snack you later, but I won't. Ha ha ha!" Following their death, which coincided with the Season 1 finale of Diet Coke & Lilith's House of Snax, the podcast icon was changed. The new image depicted a blade with the phrases "RIP SNACK-KEEPER" inscribed into it, as well as "LONG LIVE SNACK-KEEPER," possibly hinting at either the fact that Snack-Keeper kind of survived in a way via the perfect genetic clones Snack-Keeper Jr and Snack-Keeper III or the fact that Snack-Keeper still lives deep in Diet Coke's subconscious.

Abilities

Miscellaneous

As a native to the Snack Dimension, the Snack-Keeper was able to breathe the dimension's air, which is filled with Pixy Stix dust. It's a rare trait, and only those with bodies tempered to the world of snacks can survive, as only 10% of babies born in the dimension survive and therefore become Snack-Keepers. The Snack-Keeper often traveled through space and visited other dimensions and planets, including Earth. They happened to be visiting Pandora, located in Snack Dimension space, during the events of the upcoming documentary Avatar 3. However, possessing Diet Coke was their only doorway to Earth.

They also could also create horrors, meaning they could make the food in your mouth taste bad, along with other abilities that have not yet been mentioned on the podcast. This ability did not work over long distances such as across multiple states. They claimed to have the ability to turn bones into soup.

The Snack-Keeper's most influential ability was likely their power to manifest cops wherever they choose. According to them, this is where all cops come from. They once threatened to create the House of Snax Police Department (HOSPD) following the murder of Ben Platt, although the department has not been created yet. The Snack-Keeper also prevented the Snack Dimension from showing up on Google in order to prevent people from coming to the dimension and killing them, as Lilith has threatened to do in the past.

Because of their occupation as Snack-Keeper, they had infinite knowledge of all snacks. The Snack-Keeper had some domain over snacks, but making a food not a snack anymore was outside of their power. In 1967, they wove a spell upon the Earth that caused everyone to love Doritos. One of the spell's weaknesses is being trans, which neutralizes it. This is why Diet Coke and Lilith see the truth that Doritos are a horrible snack.

They could do a backflip.

Possession

The Snack-Keeper could take control Diet Coke's body, and they did this once per week in order to close the House of Snax. These possessions often began with Diet Coke coughing, which transforms into the Snack-Keeper's evil laugh. This is because the Snack-Keeper possessed people from the lungs first and expanded from there, "like a balloon made of bone." The Snack-Keeper typically left Diet Coke's body after the podcast ended each week, and Diet Coke had a headache every time this happens. During the possession in Episode #22, the Snack-Keeper returned Diet Coke shortly to allow Lilith to ask her a question. When they possessed her again, they said, "I'm glad that bitch is gone... You didn't know that the way to give me power was to have me come back two consecutive times in one episode. Now I never have to give Diet Coke back." Diet Coke did return in the following episode as usual, though.

The Snack-Keeper also tended to take over Emily's body briefly at the half-way point between recordings of House of Snax in order to use her TorrentDay account. Diet Coke was seemingly not aware of this habit and assumed that she just blacked out once in a while.

When possessing someone, the Snack-Keeper's sense of taste was altered by the body they are in, as they tasted egg in Dr. Pepper while possessing Diet Coke but not Lilith. Sometimes, the Snack-Keeper would notice the aftertaste of something that Diet Coke consumed before being possessed, as after she had eaten Sour Patch Kids Candy Pop Popcorn, the Snack-Keeper remarked, "Why does it taste like I ate shit in my mouth? Why does it just taste like I ate a fairy's shit?" They could also tell when they are in a body that has recently consumed caffeine, as they would be more energetic. They were able to access the brain of the person they were possessing to read their thoughts and beliefs. However, this caused the Snack-Keeper to be unable to recollect details about their own life during possession, as they could not access their own brain. People being possessed by the Snack-Keeper go into a fugue state; they are unable to hear what is happening during the possession and have no memory of it afterward. However, Diet Coke said "I thought this would be less scary seeing it from the outside" while Lilith was possessed, implying that being possessed by the Snack-Keeper a scary experience.

During Episode #32, the Snack-Keeper revealed that they gave Diet Coke COVID by weakening her lungs and immune system because of the inherent damage that is done when they enter her body. They apologized for this, stating, "I gave Emily COVID. I'm sorry. It's the truth. I didn't wanna confess it, but that's what happened. If she had died, I would have lost my doorway into this world, and I feel really messed up about that."

In Episode #39, Diet Coke revealed that she is fighting the entire duration of the main body of the show to keep the Snack-Keeper at bay, and she can sometimes feel their fingernails on the inside of her eyeballs before being possessed. The Snack-Keeper could see everything Diet Coke sees in her life, but they often aren't paying attention and are watching TV instead.

Interests

Hobbies

While appearing on the podcast, the Snack-Keeper was not interested in answering questions or engaging in discussion with Lilith, although they seemed to have warmed up to it somewhat over time. They were still completely disinterested in discussing snacks. They liked to say "DIE-abetes" instead of "diabetes" as a pun.

As stated on the podcast, two of the Snack-Keeper's favorite things were sugar and fisting. Due to their thin bone hands, they were very good at fisting beginners. While fisting, they wore special latex gloves filled with warm goo in order to prevent discomfort that their sexual partner(s) may experience due to the lack of soft skin on their hands.

what the meme might look like

The Snack-Keeper also possibly enjoyed creating memes; in Episode #19, they proposed a handshake meme where Diet Coke, Snack-Keeper, and the female winner of the Crufts dog pageant are all labeled as "a proud bitch" (The Snack-Keeper is a proud bitch).

The Snack-Keeper occasionally performed something called a "negative nativity," where they kill a baby on stage (a doll, not a real baby). They believe that killing babies should be illegal, but they also think it's fun and cool to kill babies.

They loved to edit Wikipedia, and they were responsible for keeping death squads off of the Coca-Cola Wikipedia page for a long time. They have not mentioned personally editing the Diet Coke & Lilith's House of Snax Wiki, but they did recommend that listeners read it.

They enjoyed dialysis although they did not need it, and they sometimes made dialysis appointments for fun. "I like to see the faces of people waiting in line unable to get the treatment that they need. It just brings a smile to my heart."

When they were alive, the Snack-Keeper took all of the money given to the House of Snax Patreon before it could reach Diet Coke or Lilith. This money was marked as "cannot be spent on contributions to political campaigns," but the Snack-Keeper did use some of it to pay a senator for cocaine, something they seemingly did often, as they said it was "keeping [their] upper lip powder white." This senator was a shadow member of the United States Senate who represents the Snack-Dimension.

The Snack-Keeper enjoyed skateboarding and was the most well-known professional skateboarder of the Snack-Dimension in the 2010's. They were the first Snack-Keeper to win four gold medals at a single Chex Game showcase, the first Snack-Keeper to win Chex Game’s gold in three different decades, and they invented the trick where they remove their head and pass it under the board while doing a 720 nose grab. This trick was so sick that the government made it illegal to give it a name. An audio excerpt from an SNAK News story about the Snack-Keeper's return to skateboarding was played on House of Snax via the Skate Tape recording.

The Snack-Keeper had an eye on how to photograph incest. It was a skill they they had built up and were very proud of. They normally shoot pornography, but they have also lent their skills to cross genre projects. They were the second camera operator on the famous Folgers commercial, and they shot a couple episodes of Arrested Development. They unfortunately never made it to Game of Thrones because they were busy with other shoots at the time. They also shot "Stepsister Helps Me Break No Nut November."

Media

They often listened to Diet Coke & Lilith's House of Snax, which may have indicated an interest in the show, but they seemed to mostly listen in order to take note of when they are insulted on the podcast. They listened via a wi-fi connection in the Snack-Dimension, which uses licorice ethernet cables. They were unsure if the internet connection is strong enough to play online multiplayer games, but they often played clicker games, their favorite being The Simpsons: Tapped Out. (They did not play Cookie Clicker, because every day is Cookie Clicker in the Snack-Dimension.) They found tabletop RPGs boring because "they're just video games with no graphics."

Before appearing on Episode #11, they watched Goodfellas, which caused them to temporarily take on a slight New York accent, which they were embarrassed to admit. (Their voice also occasionally sounded uncharacteristically Australian, as Hell is down under.) They were really into the TV show Yellowstone. They believed that Ghostbusters: Afterlife was the best Ghostbusters film. "I'm just glad they got those fucking women out of the Ghostbusters costume. it made me sick to see. I also thought it was great that there was a character named podcast. I thought that was a very funny joke." Their favorite movie was Holyman Undercover. They were once invited to watch The Hobbit and refused because it sounded as unpleasant as going home for Thanksgiving. Their favorite TV show was Lost. "I just think it's a great show. I love how the moral of the story is that all the racists and misogynists on the island were actually good people and how that's really the only coherent message you can draw from the show. I think that's great."

They were not familiar with wrestlers because they believe wrestling is "kiddie shit." However, they liked Jack Swagger and Chris Jericho because of their politics but viewed their occupations like children's performers. They are into MMA but have requested not to be asked any specific questions about it during the podcast. Logan Paul is their favorite MMA fighter because they got into MMA once he did, as he legitimized the sport in their eyes. They hated CM Punk and believed he is a loser.

The Snack-Keeper stated that they would not want to live in the Pokémon universe because they would not want to face the choice of either eating Pokémon or becoming vegetarian. They loved Pokémon, because "everybody loves Pokémon." When asked about their favorite Pokémon, they replied both "Muk" and "Wingull," then they said that one of those answers was a lie, so their favorite Pokémon is not known.

Snacks

The Snack-Keeper liked Fritos. They also loved Doritos, which is why they wove a spell upon the Earth causing most people to like them. They also loved Coca-Cola; their favorite part of it is the company's bad labor practices and death squads. They were a big fan of the general (negative) impact that Coca-Cola has had on the planet. They loved to eat WD-40, motor oil, and antifreeze because their stomach is an engine. They loved Slim Jims, which is what their bones were made of. They also like spilled beans and said, "The more spilled the better, I say... It's not the same to buy pre-spilled beans, though. You can if you're in a hurry, of course, but really you should be spilling your beans yourself at home." They preferred Taco John's over Taco Bell.

Beliefs and Goals

The Snack-Keeper held several problematic beliefs, which they occasionally revealed during the podcast. The majority of these do not reflect the beliefs of their offspring Snack-Keeper III or Snack-Keeper Jr, who recognized that The Snack-Keeper was a weird bigot.

The Snack-Keeper anti-mask. They did not respect kayfabe and therefore usually referred to Diet Coke by her shoot name, Emily. They believed that Texas is a great state with a great government, and they voted for Greg Abbott three times per election, announcing to Lilith, "I am the architect of your suffering." The Snack-Keeper was okay with killing someone themself in righteous justice, but in their eyes, there is no greater sin than a human taking another life. They believed that life begins at conception and then doesn't count after birth; it's only important in that window.

Because the Snack Dimension was previously wiped out by a pandemic, the Snack-Keeper was vaccinated. Keeping taste buds in tact is very important to Snack-Keepers. However, as a bad person, they believed that you shouldn't be fired if you don't have the vaccine.

When asked about their motives behind possessing Lilith and Diet Coke, they responded, "I want to facilitate the ending of snacks podcasts," which sounded sinister until it was revealed that they were simply referring to ending episodes, which they do every week. They continued, "I do feel like there's a lot of sinister motivations described to what I do, but that's really all I desire. Also, I do want to make America great again."

They hated comedy and believed that anyone trying to make a joke is very desperate and embarrassing to look at. "Running around like a bunch of clowns up there, doing silly voices to make people laugh, it's pathetic, really."

The Snack-Keeper hated candy corn and joy. If they had the power, they would have make candy corn no longer a snack. When asked what they think of sprinkling candy corn into waffles, the Snack-Keeper said they think it will take you straight to Hell. The Snack-Keeper also once revealed some beliefs that residents of Hell hold. The Snack-Keeper comes from the hellish Snack Dimension, not Hell, but they possibly share these beliefs as a demon, as they revealed this info using the words "we" and "our": Their favorite food was Hot Cheetos, because they love the way they're made as a product of Frito Lay (an evil company). Every Sunday, residents of Hell eat Chick-fil-A.

They unreasonably believed that you are a "fucking dumb ass bullshit fucking bitch idiot" if you are unfamiliar with Berghoff Root Beer.

During Episode #36, they stated, "I feel like my impact on the world has been felt the way things are going for all of you in your realm right now. I'm starting to feel a little bad about some of my evil ways, so I'm laying off for a week," but they returned to their usual dastardly self after the episode.

When the House of Snax issues a black tie dress code, the Snack-Keeper was very willing to follow, as they appeared in the house wearing a tuxedo with tails during Episode #24 due to the fancy snacks that Diet Coke and Lilith were eating.

The Snack-Keeper also believed that it is important to respect the comfort of sexual partners, which is why they used special latex gloves and sex goo while fisting. "There are a lot of evil things that I stand for, but I respect my partner's comfort. I'm not a monster. I'm just a demon."

When asked if they identify as straight, the Snack-Keeper responded, "There are some things about my personal life that I like to keep personal, some questions I don't like to address, and that's all I'm going to say."

Shortly before dying, the Snack-Keeper said, "I have not recanted any of my opinions."

Relationships

The Snack-Keeper seemed to have a hatred for Diet Coke, as after possessing her for a second time during Episode #22, they remarked, "I'm glad that bitch is gone." By Episode #40, they believed that Diet Coke's body belonged to them, and they and wished to claim it for themself, because "I do better things with it than she does. You wouldn't see me sitting at a computer all day doing a canon run of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II." After their death, Diet Coke referred to the Snack-Keeper as a dearly departed friend.

Lilith recognized that the Snack-Keeper is not a good or moral person, but she did seem to enjoy occasionally asking them questions about their life as a demon from the Snack Dimension. She seemed to have plans of murdering the Snack-Keeper, as she said, "Some day, me and my best friend, we are gonna journey to the Snack Dimension, and I am gonna destroy you with my mouth," referencing the fact that their bones were made of Slim Jims. She planned to bring an oxygen mask in order to breathe in the dimension. Lilith once asked Snack-Keeper if she could call them "Snacksy" for short, and they said no. Shortly before the Snack-Keeper's death, they stated that Lilith was the best friend they ever had, after Ryan Bislut, who tragically passed away after the recording of "Skate Tape." Snack-Keeper did not have a lot of friends.

They described SCOTTYE, who visited the House of Snax as a guest during Episode #13, as someone who "finally makes sense" and someone who they could talk to. This was because of the 1910's snake oil salesman voice that SCOTTYE uses sometimes.

Although the Snack-Keeper did not respect the canon of the podcast, they did recognize the royalty of Aki, the Chupqueen, as after being asked a question about chup, they responded, "I think I have to defer to the Chupqueen on this one. That seems like more her territory."

The Green Goblin was a dear friend of theirs, and they may have been influenced by him. They occasionally hung out together. The Snack-Keeper also personally knew Willem Dafoe and believed he would be a great guest on the podcast, because he loves snacks.

When asked about their thoughts on the Fun Sucker, the Snack-Keeper responded, "I don't like to talk about my exes in public." However, in the skate tape, the Fun Sucker said that they had never met in person but had "something of a work relationship" as they had both possessed the same human a few times.

They had a kitty cat named Sex Goo Orgy Day, who is named in a similar fashion as Christmas Valentine, since Sex Goo Orgy Day is the equivalent of Christmas in the Snack-Dimension. Snack-Keeper described Sex Goo Orgy Day (the cat) as their "little precious baby."

The Snack-Keeper presumably had good relationships with the other residents of the Snack Dimension, since they all participated in an orgy every year on Sex Goo Orgy Day, celebrated every December 25th in the Snack Dimension.